Posts Tagged ‘carnality’
There is, sometimes, a subtle difference between want and need.
I don’t need to spend idle time fantasizing about an hours-long romp with the person I spend an hours-long romp with every couple of weeks or so. It’s just that I do sometimes harbor such singularly base, almost bestial thoughts about him. Or parts of him anyway. I don’t have any need to consider the placement of his body parts, body parts that I hadn’t otherwise given much thought to beyond their function, body parts that I’ve suddenly come to believe might fit perfectly and exquisitely inside my…. well, you get the idea. Toes, for instance. And elbows. Who wants to think of toes and elbows in such a way? I do, it seems. Want to, that is. I don’t need to.
I just … do.
One can’t control one’s dirty little mind sometimes, and perhaps one does not want to when one’s mind is having such fun designing decidedly delicious ideas to nosh on.
And while I don’t need to apprise him – this man who is the delightful focus of my mental machinations – no, I don’t need to apprise him of my fantasies, since delivering such insight might inadvertently appear manipulative, I often want to. And so, occasionally, I do. Only sometimes, mind you. And I don’t do so in the hopes of receiving similar words back, no. Nor do I alert him of my prurient visions in an attempt to provoke erotic reactions. Truly, I don’t. No, I have moved beyond simple strategy in this instance. Here … in this place I sit with thoughts of carnality (a place I am accustomed to, as you know… I am a lustful, libidinous lass, to be certain ) I want to, no, I need to say what I envision.
I need to say how badly I want for him to sneak silently into my bedroom where I lie sleeping peacefully, wake me up with a start and begin, quietly, then forcefully, to do dirty, disgracefully delectable things to me.
I need to iterate how the simple idea of tying his arms taut to the bed and insisting that he watch me play with myself gives me such intense gratification that I almost don’t need to do it. Thinking about such naughtiness is almost enough.
No, I don’t need. No. I want.
Yes. That’s it. What I need is to say.
What I want to is to do.