It’s Been a While
Yes, it has been a while. Many months in fact since I have written anything here.
During my time away (or maybe because of it) I discovered that relationships, as fulfilling as they are, are massive time-sucks; it cruises by quick and dirty during the New Relationship Energy stage, doesn’t care what you did before it, halts all but the essential elements of your daily life. Five months with him went by and this writer Sadie ceased being a writer … and was just Sadie.
I didn’t like that, of course, but I didn’t let it bother me too much. Okay, maybe I did. I was happy to concede, to put my thoughts about the things I write on hold for the man I’d chosen to do monogamy with for the first time in a long while. He was worth it, I had decided. And ultimately – at least for the time being – he was. I was swimming upstream without feeling fatigued. I was, in fact, energized.
Love does that, doesn’t it? It energizes us.
And it was the most responsible, drama-free breakup I have ever had the pleasure (with simultaneous pain) of experiencing. No lying, no betrayal. Done with brutal honesty and as much blame-free integrity and responsibility taking as could be mustered. It hurt, yes, hurt us both. But that’s love. It hurts, after all.
Before, during and after, love stings; shards of ice on a fresh burn.
It had hurt before I’d met him, I felt lonely and unlovable. But he proved me wrong when I loved him and he loved me back – his gift to me, one which I will cherish forever. And it hurt during, our frequent conflicts making visible our vast differences, mountainous regions of divergent viewpoints, separated by unsailable seas of black and white. We learned, I think, about ourselves. I know I did. I determined what it is I want, and what it is I don’t.
And one thing I don’t want is to not write.
So I am back now, but just for a wee bit before I swoop back off to the Black Rock Desert for my yearly respite at Burning Man. But I shall come back with stories to tell, I am certain.
Meanwhile, check out the new BedPost Confessions website that I managed to create during the time I wasn’t writing