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Sadie Says … Test

Wednesday, December 19, 2012 AT 06:12 PM

I know better than to make rules for myself, rules such as: No more men for a while, Sadie, while you figure out not only what you have to give, but what you need in return.

I know better than to create such restrictions. Why? Because doing so only invites a test.

And I suck at tests.

It wasn’t an hour, perhaps two at the most, that I had agreed to commit to this No More Men resolution before such a test had indeed presented itself. The test subject was cute in that approachable way, although I likely would not have even noticed him had he not noticed me. I had quietly erected blinders in order to keep any possibility at bay – effectively cock-blocking my own self. My mind had decided on going on this man-diet and my body was following dutifully along. But wouldn’t you know? It was only moments before I had begun the ardent task of removing them. All it took was a smiling voice from behind me, asking what I was drinking.

See? I really suck at tests.

But how could I resist his interest, especially given the timing? How could I resist the enthusiasm of a sweet stranger wanting to know the stories of me? How could I resist quiet contemplation? What about compliments and long stares and shared philosophies? How could I resist a lack of pretense and an eager curiosity?  Or the beautiful vulnerability of really being heard?

Being seen?

Being understood?

I could not resist. So I did not resist, even though I tried. Okay, I lied. I did not try very hard; just enough to assuage any future guilt. Just enough to reconcile my desire against my need to be true to my own word.

But, ultimately I failed the test.

Two naked bodies, one bed and zero expectations. We failed that test together, happily. Easily. Without care of the outcome. We were two people, strangers no more, pursuing the simple pleasures of the self while soothing the crooked, jagged lines of loneliness.

And since I was capable of giving that to him, and he to me, needs were met… all the way around.

Which means that maybe I passed the test after all.

7 Responses to “Sadie Says … Test”

  1. Dew says:

    I love the simplicity of this moment. Why can’t there be more simplicity in the world like this? I swear it would solve all world problems and create “world peace”. Cock blockers be damned.

  2. I completely fail this test every time I try it. Honestly, I don’t know why I try it. Unless I am going through a drought, it will guarantee getting me sex if I swear off of it.

  3. Anonymous says:

    He must have been amazing.

  4. Wynter says:

    I suck at these test as well. Perfectly written!! Found your site through the HNT.

  5. Jim says:

    Not sure why you were testing yourself that way in the first place, when it goes against who you really are . . . a passionate, compassionate, sensual, giving, loving woman.

    If you fight against that, you’ll either ultimately fail or make yourself unhappy . . . or both.

    XO


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